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Therapy often simply puts the light on.  The difference between being in a dark room and not knowing what is in there with you, and having the lights on and being able to name things.  Sometimes therapy can nurture you; give you a comforting supporting parent's voice that you have not had and help you internalize that voice.  Sometimes it means being less alone on the journey and being seen.  Your thoughts will be clearer and you'll know yourself better. As a result, you'll feel stronger and more resilient.

Therapy can help you as a partner because you will have a place to talk about the things going on in your life as a couple without violating the trust of the survivor.  It will help you to depersonalize things that may have nothing to do with you and at the same time it is essential that your partner not be the identified problem and patient.  Not everything is about your partner's abuse; therapy can help clarify that.  Because issues arise for anyone in a relationship, therapy will also give you a safe place to work on these issues.

Sexual abuse happens in silence. In contrast, traumas in functional and non- abusive families are discussed and shared.  Death, divorce, illness are validated by conversation, comfort, and just being in the open.  No one is talking about what goes on in an abusive family.  A skilled therapist can help label things for you, stop normalizing what you have been calling dysfunction and name it as abuse, help you clarify the aftermath of what you have been left with and help you understand that no matter what you have told, it could never, ever, have been your fault and that you never deserved any of it.  Therapy, just by the act of talking is an antidote for the years of silence. 

You will never be someone who was not abused and you will never be someone who had an easy childhood.  Healing cannot change that.  Your present and future, however, can be different.  And your present and future can be easier, happier, and fulfilling.

Good therapy with a good therapist is crucial for healing. There is the necessity of someone hearing your story, believing your story and helping  you to know it was not your fault. There was nothing at all you could do to stop what happened, no matter what anyone has told you.

For a survivor of abuse, working with a therapist who truly knows you and cares about you can make an enormous difference in the healing process.  Feeling protected and nurtured is something everyone needs and it is not too late to get those essentials. You can learn to trust yourself by working with a therapist who tells you when you are walking into danger and what skills you need to keep yourself safe. 

While all therapists take different approaches, I have found that it is not necessary to tell and relive every detail of your story. But when you talk about your experience -- the feelings, grief, and anger -- with someone you trust, you can finally stop retraumatizing yourself. The telling become cathartic and therefore healing. 

I would never do this kind of work if people did not get better, if life did not change. At some point the therapy begins to shift from trauma work to complaints about your boss, your partner, just day-to-day living. That's when I know you've turned the corner.